bestfriends

i seen my life, you were always by my side, holding me when cried and laugthing with me. you were the bones in back that helped me stand. but if this is so why do i feel so used.
i feel used by everyone. my bestfriend used me, he used me, they all use you.

wonderland.

my world crashed. but i am back on my feet, and i band aided the world so ill surrive. i wont cry, ill keep smilling because i am finalyy happy agian in my aloneness which in its imperfections is perfect for me :) yes ill miss you, but dont i miss everyone at one point in time. i am happy to talk to my bestfriend more i have missed the numbness that he brings into my life. so dont catch me when i fall, because i am strong enough to stand up without you and without a tear. now let me be in my crazy world. which is held by my band aid :) the one thing that i will miss is how safe i felt in your arms, although its funner to live on the edge is it not? 116 days. :)

i new i shouldnt have gotten out bed today.

i feel like if anyone says one thing wrong to me i am going to start crying. the wrong song on the radio and i am crying.
people are around me trying to help but i feel like there all just yellin or telling me what to do, i dont even have the engry to agure back. today has been fucked and its only 2. my world has crashed and i cant do anything but stare at the mess i all my life.

boreddd

i hate it when i press enter twice.. :/ yes that just happened haha
today was the best day ever!
apart from tafe
i love simmy and lexie
me and simmy are like little kids we played at the park all day and it was amazing! i love the swings and the phone thing. i think we had more fun then the little kids :)
freedom thats what i have felt all day :) and it has been great.
finally after like 2 weeks i feel good because of the great people i put around me :) my friends are awesome. <3

yeah i feel better

today has been shit! all i have done is think about you. ><
i hate you. my world is crashing down and i am going to fix it righ now.
yeah i am stronger than this. so kiss me and wish me luck on my way.
the best part of this is knowing its nothing compared to the pain i have felt and i had to remeber that pain to know that ill make it thought this. tonight may be valentines night but i dont need cuddles and cute shit. all i need is my pillow so i can sleep though this crappyyy day. tommowo really is another day, and it will be a good day, because i want it to be just like the night i meet you, i wanted to have a goodnight and it was. this saturday i will go out and i will be myself without having to worry what i look like and if you would care. i hope you read this so you know you were something to me, and i wont forget you cause you were my frist crush, but thats all you will ever be cause you didnt trust me or want me back. hope this makes you happy. cause i am happyer now i wrote it. oh and just so you should have really have replyed.

i wont cry cause your not worth my tears,

i hate how i have done nothing wrong yet people still hate me.
i asked my self today why do people start gummors and the only answer i could think of was cause they love watching people fall apart and and be sad.
i know now that your were always more then your you worth,
i think i enjoy being alone, with noone i can trust because once you trust someone you leave your heart open to be stabbed and i think if i got stabbed once more i would cry, but now i wont cry because you were never worth my tears if you believe the shit that comes out of peoples mouths.

looking for a reason

everyone is always looking for a reason to leave or yell at me. lately i fell like my world is falling apart. and all i can do is stand here and watch it.
i am happy in short moments. well they may be long moments but they feel like nothing compared to the time i spend worrying and being cranky.
i have also came to the conclusion that i want something/ someone when they dont want me and when they do i dont want them anymore. its like a an setting my self up to fail. today was fucked, expect i did enjoy seeing someone for the frist time in ages. let hope i feel better after i sleep.

my fears

fear i am scared of being happy, cause i cant take the hurt that comes after the smile leaves.
i am scared of not being enough, not good enough not pretty enough not smart enough not strong enough, just not enough for anyone.
i am scared of being me because ill fail you.
i am scared of you, because you strength over powers me and your light over powers mine.
i am scared to run because i know ill fall once more.
but i will not longer live in your shadow, because my greatist fear is to live a meanless life. without being enough for someone.

plumb - cut

I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore

A fragile flame aged
Is misery
And when our hearts meet
I know you see

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut

I may seem crazy
Or painfully shy
And these scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye
I feel alone here and cold here
Though I don't want to die
But the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut
Pain
I am not alone
I am not alone

I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore

But I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I found it when
I was cut