She just betterr then me..

i was in a grave alone. at least no one would see my lifeless face.
when everyone you trust punchs you n the face when is it time to throw it all in and just stop living and hurting and start just breathing. just breathing..
i am sick of the pretty girls. the girls that have it all and are so nice. its like ill never b as good as you. as pretty as you as nice as you, ill always b me and at the moment thats just not enough for anyone. and i am stick of it. i cant fit into a family that doesnt make a puazzal, i cant love somone that doesnt understand that love and i cant trust someone who trusts me. all these crazy mind games are killing me, when everyone u love hurts you so much where do u turn when is it okay to love back when it is okay to say enough. i am not good enough there is better people out there, but i am me, and if that means i am alone forever so b it i no i wont hurt myself......

my white knight

i havent blog in 10 months.
10 months with the most amazing person i have ever meet,
jake farlie.
21 years old
short red hair and my bestfriend
part A.
he was... what wasnt he, he was understanding dangerous loving caring to good to be true. he was a mind fuck. he was the one person you could trust then it changed and turn into the one person you always worried about and need to talk to, all most as if he was a drug. it was all most if i didnt have him close or near that i could breath. he was my everything to loose him would b to loose everything that i loved.
then it changed again. i came home i relised that i can let someone do that to me it wasnt me it wasnt what i believed in it was some apart of me that wasnt the real me. it was weak. i love jake farlie and always will he will be the weakness in my heart for a long time. but looking at the past month and a half i new this was coming but how do you say good bye and stop trying with the one person that you though was for ever. its like you being it by new wave of sadnness that steals your happness, the happness will one day hopfuly come back to me and fill my world again but it will let me breath, i wont let me fall into the hase of love without the world. i hope that one day i can look back at the past 10 months and not feel like i have lost one of the best parts of me. i miss him. i no that a drug like this will take time to heal.


part b
the strong part in my its in here, always has being i am fighter i alwats will be.
my personally isnt going to let this beoome me, if i am going to live in sadness i may as well be good at maing others feel good. PAIN GOES AWAY right but it fucking kills when its here, i no that i love him i know that i miss him i no that i dont deserve him. i no that it wasnt perfect but i also any man that can deal with for over a month needs a metal cause i am head case a complete nut! and he was my man. but i can stand alone and do it with a fashionable style that makes me look happy and beatiful.

part c
loosing my bestfriend
how do i deal with that, i lost the first bestfriend and now she cant even look me in the eye. will this happen again? cause loosing my boyfriend is one thing, but losing my bestfriend again can i deal with that i dont no i cant tell you that i can.


part d am i okay ? no i am not so dont ask. if i am okay its the small part of me that keeps saying pain goes away so just deal with today, then tommowwo but dont dear think about next week.


i could write so much more, but i dont the words to express myself.


i love you jake. i always have . always will.
i miss you

jar of hearts

No, I can't take one more step towards you
‘Cause all that's waiting is regret
Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live, half alive
And now you want me one more time

[Chorus:]
Who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

I've learned to live, half alive
And now you want me one more time

[Chorus]

It took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
‘Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

Who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?





confusion for you...enough said. jake farlie i love you <3

go on snd scream. scream at me.

ever just felt like singing on the top of your voice in a pubic place? or along to a song at work? or in the supermarket in the car with friends.? then going to open your mouth and closing straght way? because of the fear of rejection? your not alone in rejection so next time open your mouth and sing for the rest of people who are to afaid to sing for themselfs. i can say i am finally happy but in my happness i can still feel sadness waiting for me. i feel like, i am two steps away from falling, but at the same time, i feel like i am walking on water. i guess thats life. latley i think that everybi=ody is expecting more from me, there expecting me to comform.. i will never comform, i believe i was set here for reason to help others be themselfs and have fun. i am thinkning that maybe i should look into a carearee in that somehow, it makes me happy to see others just being themselfs and not faking a smile.xxxx this song it how i am feeling atm, and yes i am singing it on the top of voice! <3I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore

A fragile flame aged
Is misery
And when our hearts meet
I know you see

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut

I may seem crazy
Or painfully shy
And these scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye
I feel alone here and cold here
Though I don't want to die
But the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut
Pain
I am not alone
I am not alone

I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore

But I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I found it when
I was cut

birthdayy

18 todayy :) the count down is over. my birthday is really just a anoter day.
i love some parts of my life right now and hate others i thinking this wont change though out my life. i love my family and friends/ boyfriendl, i miss some people. i love how everything is falling in and outta place at the moment i thinking that just being me complettly is working in my favor. i cant wait for saturday finally getting my tat :) i think everybody is going to expect me to make big life desions at the moment, but life is what happens when you busy making other plans, so i going to jjust roll with that and next year ill see wherre i am at! this year i want to travel all around see my newhue and erin , kylie :) i would love to get to new zealand for my nanny, i am so happy i got to spend time with her on my 18th :) all though i wish my nanny dunlop and grandad bill were i no there watching me from heavan or were ever they are <3 soo thatt my birthdayy spill xoxox

never understood

albury. i am not slut. i have self respect and i also respect other people and things. i am over this town. when has it ever been okay to just be a complete bitch to somene and everybody else just look away. thats not okay. by standers in my opion are just as worst as the person!! also when has it been okay to steal? or wreak things. like what is people problems. i am so over it! girls calling other girls sluts, c words and much worst google the word and i swear you wont say it anymore. most of the people saying these thing are skanky anyways, does my head in espeacially when girls go she a slut she texts like 5 guys, its like hey i can have male friends and not open my legs. jesus can i say hello to a male without being a slut. or can he say hello to me without cheating on you. people your doing my head in. also skanks why is it you can call me a slut when my clothes cover me, and your wear your undies in pubic you should i say shorts.... or when you kiss 1000 people night and i am with my bofriend.. really girls grow up. live in the real world and look outside of albury most of what your doing right now will affect you later. i just dont understand the girls here at all. all the groups here have issues that are so stuiped, i just want to hit them in the head with people who have real problems. they all talk behide each others back. what happen to a true friend. one that wouldnt sleep with your boyfriend or cheat on theres. so srewed up. albury really is a hole, because the people here make it that way by the way the act. so yea i am a real lady not a slut.

.... him

losing somebody is hard, when agianing someone is to easy. i go to sleep with him on my mind and wake up to stare at my phone waiting for his text.
its hard with him and harder without.. i dont no what to do anymore.. i dont want anyone else but he wont believe me. i am sick of feeling helpless. his cuddle fixs whatever went wrong in the day, how can anyone evr replace that. he makes me feel safe, he was mine. now he is whoever is lucky to have him how can i deal with that..what if he forgets about me.i am not anybodys, yet i feel like i am yours.